I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
