I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize