just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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