mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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