I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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