it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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