zippers are such a cool invention
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
