That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I touched a dick in church today
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
