I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
