Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
