I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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