I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's never too late to be topless.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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