you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
