i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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