my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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