apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
