He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
