just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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