And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize