The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
