i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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