I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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