this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
These tits shall not be calmed
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
