Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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