Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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