1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
