tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
