he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
