u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
