i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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