I think i peed on brittanys purse
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
