You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
