i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize