Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
