just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
