i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
