Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
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