seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize