How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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