I am puke
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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