every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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