How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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