i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
