Christians are straight up FREAKS
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
