i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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