therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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