They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
