So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
