I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
where am i from again
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My vagina is officially offended.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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