so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
