I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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