Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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