Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
