i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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