he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
