So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
