after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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