I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
