Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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