I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
