i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
