I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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