You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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