a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
