why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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