Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize