I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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