If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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