When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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