I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
