Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
