I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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