so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
