My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
